Tuesday, September 20, 2005
Will you still remember me after we leave?
Sometimes, I wonder does my maturity matches my age. My deepest desire now is to become a person that honours word and just follow what God has planned for me without worrying other things like family, friends, finance and whatnot.
Today's morning was good; I woke up and bought two sets of breakfast, and off I went to school to hand in work that I can actually hand up tomorrow. I will definitely miss walking in the entrance and be greeted with beautiful smiles everyday in school. In two months time, I will bid farewell to my school! ):
The second, minute, hour, day, year, decade and century that just past will never return back. I will never get to mend those broken hearts I have hurt so badly; I will never get to turn the time back and take back all those nasty comments I have said without thinking; I will never get to get my unfulfilled dreams, fulfilled.
My surrounding changes from time to time; my friends change, my teacher change, my family situation change and for myself, I change, too. Some of my friends I used to be closed with, seems like a stranger to me now. For times that we bumped into each other, our smiles are so awkward. For those that I am still in contact with, may it be often or not, they change. For both better and worst.
As for myself, I changed too. Though there were times I hoped I haven't changed worst in the areas that I used to be kinder in, I guess these are parts and parcel of life. Perhaps one day I'll be convicted to say that getting married does not justify the perfection to my life. Because I know I treasure friendships more than anything.
In the life I lead right now, I have many girlfriends whom I treasure, and I know that they will stand by myself when my world is dark and lonely, and when I rejoices. However, in the midst of building these friendships, I have battled with insecurity towards a few and I have hurt a few. Yet, without all this experiences, I wouldn't have know how to love, care and treasure them more than ever.
I believe in platonic friendships with guys, yet I know how difficult it exists in this generation we're living in right now. Nevertheless, I thank God for the few guy friends I have. They make me feel loved and has definitely taught me how to relate with the opposite gender - being sensitive in speeches and in actions. Haha, being the very me, there are times I just want to hang my hands over their shoulder and play with them like a guy, yet I know it's not wise to do so.
Because human changes from time to time, I wonder - if one day I am the one that has changed, will they still stand there, await my return back or will I find none in the path we have walked so long? Same for me, will I stand there and continue to hope in them or will I forget them and move on?
I miss someone, I really do. But I know I need to put a stop to it and move on. (:
maoed.]
at 1:41 PM
